|
Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting
1. What you do matters.
“Tell yourself that every day. How you treat and respond to your child should
come from a knowledgeable, deliberate sense of what you want to accomplish.
Always ask yourself: What effect will my decision have on my child?”
2. You cannot be too
loving.
“When it comes to genuine expressions of warmth and affection, you cannot love
your child too much. It is simply not possible to spoil a child with love. What
we often think of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of
showing a child too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child
things in place of love—things like leniency, lowered expectations or material
possessions.”
3. Be involved in your
child’s life.
"Being an involved parent takes time and is hard work, and it often means
rethinking and rearranging your priorities. It frequently means sacrificing
what you want to do for what your child needs you to do. Be there mentally as
well as physically.”
4. Adapt your parenting
to fit your child.
“Make sure your parenting keeps pace with your child’s development. You may
wish you could slow down or freeze-frame your child’s life, but this is the
last thing he wants. You may be fighting getting older, but all he wants is to
grow up. The same drive for independence that is making your three-year-old say
‘no’ all the time is what’s motivating him to be toilet trained. The same
intellectual growth spurt that is making your 13-year-old curious and
inquisitive in the classroom also is making her argumentative at the dinner
table.”
5. Establish and set
rules.
“If you don’t manage your child’s behavior when he is young, he will have a
hard time learning how to manage himself when he is older and you aren’t
around. Any time of the day or night, you should always be able to answer these
three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child
doing? The rules your child has learned from you are going to shape the rules
he applies to himself.”
6. Foster your child’s independence.
“Setting limits helps your child develop a sense of self-control. Encouraging
independence helps her develop a sense of self-direction. To be successful in
life, she’s going to need both. Accepting that it is normal for children to
push for autonomy is absolutely key to effective parenting. Many parents
mistakenly equate their child’s independence with rebelliousness or
disobedience. Children push for independence because it is part of human nature
to want to feel in control rather than to feel controlled by someone else.”
7. Be consistent.
“If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion, or if you
enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not
his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your
non-negotiables. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power,
the less your child will challenge it.”
8. Avoid harsh
discipline.
“Of all the forms of punishment that parents use, the one with the worst side
effects is physical punishment. Children who are spanked, hit or slapped are
more prone to fighting with other children. They are more likely to be bullies
and more likely to use aggression to solve disputes with others.”
9. Explain your rules
and decisions.
“Good parents have expectations they want their child to live up to. Generally,
parents over explain to young children and under explain to adolescents. What is
obvious to you may not be evident to a 12-year-old. He doesn’t have the
priorities, judgment or experience that you have.”
10. Treat your child
with respect.
“The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him
respectfully. You should give your child the same courtesies you would give to
anyone else. Speak to him politely. Respect his opinion. Pay attention when he
is speaking to you. Treat him kindly. Try to please him when you can. Children
treat others the way their parents treat them. Your relationship with your
child is the foundation for her relationships with others.”
http://www.chiff.com/a/good-parenting.htm
|
